request for healing

[seeker]

Wow, what a great site! I wish I had found this sooner!

I'm seeking some healing for my wife and self due to the following idiotic and horrible things..

I've made some huge and unforgivable errors in my relationship with my wife Angela Ann Davis Marable and now she needs some help in regards to healing from more than just me. In the course of our marriage I have learned several things about myself and done things that would ruin ANY marriage.

I have lied to her through the entire course of our marriage, I have been deceitful and withheld information from her that was crucial to our relationship and creating trust, I have let my anger get the better of me and ended up physically and emotionally hurting her and the kids repeatedly.

I have cheated on her, reverted to pornography, and because of my infidelities, I have cheated her out of the intimate relationship that she has longed to have with me during the majority of our marriage.

Several times in our marriage I have hidden large sums of money from her and then spent that money on stupid and foolish things for myself. In doing so, my family has suffered because there were/are so many things that the money NEEDED to be spent on, and I neglected to put the family’s NEEDS before my selfish WANTS.

I have run out and left her and the kids several times which of course leaves her now feeling like she can’t depend on me. The children have suffered because they need a father they can depend on.

I have broken promise after promise to change and turn myself and things around. I've not lived up to my potential as a husband, father, friend and have been immature, indecent, and hardly acted like the MAN I should have been.

Due to all of this, she has a complete lack of trust in me and my abilities to actually change. She is scared and confused. She has stood by my side for over 4 years as I have made (and broken) the same promises to her; she has forgiven me countless times only to find out that I was still doing all the same things that ruined our marriage in the first place. I have managed to get worse in the extent of my transgressions, as opposed to getting better. She feels that I do not love her because of what I have SHOWN her through my actions. She feels like she will never be important or placed FIRST in my life, because I have neglected to put her first or even stand up for her. I have spent the majority of my marriage making excuses for my behavior instead of changing it. All my time, energy, effort, etc, has been spent on creating chaos in our marriage instead of creating love, peace, and healing for all concerned.

She is by nature a happy, positive person. She lives to help others (which is why she has stuck this out with me), and sometimes like now, it is at the cost of her health and happiness. She wants so badly to be able to have the positive energy back that I have taken from her. Her time is so consumed by the pain I cause, that she barely has the energy to just BE alive, let alone LIVE her life. Still to this day, after all I have put her through, she wants nothing more than to be able to love me and have me return that love to her. She wants me to help heal the pain I have caused by becoming the man I told her I was.

She is stuck in a very dark and lonely place that I created in our marriage. She can no longer “UNSEE” or “UNFEEL” the things I have done like she was able to in the past so she could find hope for our marriage. My deception clouds her thoughts day and night. She struggles to put on that happy, beautiful smile when the kids get home or when she is around others so they don’t feel or see her pain.

So I am writing to ask if you and the group can run some sessions for us to help her heal from all this and get her strength, health, life and peace of mind back? Please?

I would also like to ask for some help for myself so I may find the strength and courage to face these demons of my creation, and TRULY change and become the man I feel I was intended to be. One that both she and I can both be happy with and proud of.

Namaste,

Clay in Dallas

[hotice_steve]

Dear Clay,
You have started the Healing Process for your family by your Confession.
You are a brave man. That is why you acknowledge your faults & speak about it.
Now that you have realized what you have been doing, its time you don't repeat it.
There may also come a time when you will have to take back what you have been dishing out. That will be a sterner test. I pray you will face it with patience & understanding.
I sincerely pray that you & your family live in peace & harmony.
Things are improving with you.
I visualize you in bliss & having good times with your family. I advise you to do the same when you meditate or pray.
Are you doing any form of meditation or Lightwork like Reiki etc, do tell us.
You will be helped by this forum in the new path you have chosen.
Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Will send Reiki to you, your Family, issues & situations surounding you past, present & future.
God Bless.

[John.Apostolidis]

Dear friend Namaste
Of course you and your family will receive our healing support....
I have to say that your wife worths honors for her heroic behaviour!...your kids too....
Try to transform your self in hero too by a total "rebirth!"
I suppose that you have too dear!
Your family loves you and you have to do many things about that!
You must be from the begining the husband and the father that they need!
I am sure that you ll enjoy it more!

We all are humans and we all have our "demons" that we have to fighr and overcome!
Be brave and patient!

May the light be with you.